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Why Ending a Relationship as a Single Parent Feels So Much Harder
- lifeafterplusone
- 6 days ago
- 4 min read
Ending a relationship is hard at any stage of life. But going through a breakup after separation, when you’re a single parent and you’ve already “been through it”, it always so much harder.
Because this time, it’s not just about heartbreak.
It’s about guilt.
Judgement.
Fear of looking like a failure again.
And the pressure of knowing your kids are getting dragged through it all
Quite often a lot of single parents stay in relationships far longer than they should because leaving and going through another breakup feels way too hard
Then that's when you feel stuck all over again in a relationship that you no longer want to be in
Because there's an unspoken expectation that “this one has to work”. Youve gone through one big breakup so that has to be done ns this one has to work.
So, you tell yourself:
I don’t want to put my kids through breakup
I don’t want people thinking I can’t make a relationship work
Everyone will think I'm a failure
I should try harder this time
So, when the doubts show up, you minimise those feelings. When things don’t feel right, you push through. When your needs aren’t being met, you tell yourself you’re asking for too much, because leaving again feels like admitting failure. Admitting you're not good enough, admitting no one wants you.
So that guilt that keeps you hanging on
The guilt about
Introducing someone to your kids
Seeing your kids get attached to someone new then having to end it
“Getting it wrong” another time
So instead of asking yourself Is this healthy? you ask Can I tolerate this? How do i make this work? How can I make then change?
The fear of judgement, from others and yourself
But that quiet fear of how it looks.
From family.
From friends.
From your ex.
From yourself.
You might worry people will think:
You rushed into dating
You don't know how to find a partner
You’re unstable
You’re failed again
So, you stay. You justify. You over explain and justify all the thing you don't like to make you believe it's not that bad.
But staying in something that doesn’t make you happy is no protecting your kids, it teaches them that discomfort and being unhappy should be swept under the carpet rather than addressed.
The pressure of “protecting the kids”
And many parents believe ending another relationship will harm their children more than staying.
But your kids need honesty and safety.
Children pick up on:
Tension
Emotional distance
Resentment
Stress
Even if nothing is said out loud.
Staying in a relationship that doesn’t feel right doesn’t shield your kids from the from change, it models what a relationship to them should look like.
So how do you know when it’s time to end it?
Instead of asking, Can I make this work? try asking:
Do I feel like myself in this relationship?
Am I shrinking, over compromising, or walking on eggshells?
Am I staying out of fear rather than choice?
Would I want my child in a relationship like this one day?
If the answer keeps pulling you back to discomfort, that matters.
Ending it doesn’t mean you failed
Ending a relationship doesn’t mean you made a mistake by trying.
It means you gathered information. It means you learned more about what you need. It means you chose honesty over fear.
And for your kids, that matters more than forcing something to last.
They don’t need to see you stay at all costs, they need to see you trust yourself, set boundaries, and walk away when something no longer fits.
Give yourself permission to choose again
Dating as a single parent is complex. There’s no perfect timing, no guaranteed outcomes, and no way to protect everyone from every feeling.
But staying stuck out of guilt, judgement, or fear doesn’t create safety, it creates resentment.
You’re allowed to choose again.
You’re allowed to change your mind.
You’re allowed to leave something that no longer aligns.
And that doesn’t make you a failure.
However, when you take the time to step back and heal, to self-reflect, to work the hurt, to let go of the past, the patterns, the emotions, you trust your instincts. You don’t need weeks or months to convince yourself something isn’t right, you can feel it, acknowledge it, and act on it.
Because when you haven’t healed, dating often comes from a place of fear, fear of being alone again, fear of failing again, fear of what it will mean for your kids if another relationship doesn’t work out. That fear can keep you settling, overthinking, and staying in situations you know don’t feel right.
But when you’ve let go of the past, the guilt, the shame, the self-doubt, you approach dating from a completely different headspace.
You’re not trying to make something work at all costs.
You’re not overlooking red flags.
You’re not convincing yourself to accept less than you deserve.
Instead, you know your boundaries. You know what feels safe, healthy, and aligned for you, and when something doesn’t meet that, you’re able to walk away without spiralling.
Healing doesn’t just make dating easier; it makes leaving easier too.
If you’re sitting in that “should I stay or should I leave?” space, I’ve linked a previous podcast episode below where I go deeper into how to tell the difference, and what to pay attention to when you’re feeling stuck or unsure.
And if you’re wanting more personalised support, to talk through your situation, work out whether this really is the right move for you, and get clear on what your next steps could look like, you can book a chat below.
Let's work through it together and help you move forward in a way that feels right for you.
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