Change can feel extremely overwhelming.

Change can feel extremely overwhelming.

Not the exciting, fresh start kind of change people talk about like a fresh new haircut, or a new outfit, but the kind that knocks you out of your comfort zone and makes everything feel unfamiliar and even a little scary.

The kind that makes you question yourself, your decisions, and whether you’re actually capable of handling what’s in front of you.

When we’re faced with change it brings up a lot of different emotions that you normally don't have to deal with, so it often feels easier to slip back into old patterns. Patterns that feel safe, predictable, and familiar. Even if they no longer add value to your life. But its what you know.

I’m seeing this play out in my own home right now, with my daughter just starting high school.

She’s a very empathic kid. Very emotionally intelligent. Not interested in cliques, popularity, or competing with others. She just wants genuine friendships and to be around people who accept her for who she is.

So, starting high school has been a big adjustment for her. New environment. New people. New routines. Not knowing where classes are. Feeling like she hasn’t found her people yet. Feeling out of her comfort zone. Not feeling safe or secure just yet. And for teenage girls especially, this stage can feel very intense. It can be cliquey, competitive, and at times extremely unkind.

Her first instinct was, Mum, I think I want to start looking at different schools.

As a mum that broke my heart, but that response makes a lot of sense.

When something feels uncomfortable, unfamiliar, or overwhelming, our brain goes straight into protection mode. Fight or flight. Get out. Escape. Go back to what feels safe. And at the moment she's not feeling safe yet

And that reaction doesn’t just stop when we grow up, if anything it increases.

As adults, especially as single parents, we fall into those same patterns of fight or flight.

We stay in relationships that don’t feel right because being on our own feels too uncomfortable. We stay in jobs we don’t enjoy because starting again feels too overwhelming.

We put off building something new because it brings up doubt, fear, and questions like, am I capable? what if I fail? what if I’m not good enough?

When you’re on your own after a breakup or separation, all sorts of thoughts and emotions surface. What’s wrong with me? Why didn’t that relationship work? Why wasn’t I enough to make it last? What's the point, it won't work out anyway?

Those feelings can bring up a lot of heavy and confronting emotions. And that’s often why people jump straight into another relationship because being on their own is too uncomfortable.

They stick to the jobs they don't like, because it's too scary to get out and try something new; they continue to stay in unhappy relationships because of the unknown of going through another breakup, they avoid dating all together because of the fear of possibly going through another breakup, they stay bitter towards their ex because working through the breakup emotions is way too uncomfortable.

Facing these moments head on and doing it differently takes you out of your comfort zone. And taking that leap to approach, something differently brings up emotions you've never had to sit with before.

The discomfort feels like a sign that something is wrong, when really, it’s a sign that something new is happening.

That discomfort is when so many people fall back into old patterns, it's easier, it's comfortable to stay doing what you're doing.

And that discomfort of doing it differently brings up a lot of unknowns, and the unknowns is what puts so many in the headspace of... something feels off, I don't know how this will end up, abort mission, let's go back. As I am now seeing play out with my daughter.

That fear of the unknown puts most into panic mode, convincing themselves they've lost control of their life when in actual fact, this is the part where you gain control.

The truth is that growth doesn’t happen in comfort. Healing doesn’t happen in familiarity. Change doesn’t happen by staying in what you already know.

When uncomfortable emotions come up, sadness, anger, resentment, grief, self-doubt, it’s easy to assume you’re doing something wrong. So, you retreat. You go back to what feels safe. You convince yourself that staying where you are is the better option.

But staying safe is what keeps you stuck.

And this is where I really want to bring this back to single parenting.

Because so many single parents are just getting by. Doing what they need to do to survive. Keeping everything ticking over. Staying in routines that feel familiar because stepping outside of what they know feels too risky.

You might have part of you thinking, I want more. I want something different. I want to change careers. I want to build something of my own. I want a healthier relationship; I want to be able to coparent amicably. I want a better life for myself and my kids.

But then the doubts come in.

I can’t do that.I’m not capable.I won’t cope on my own.I’ll never make ends meet.I’ll never find someone.I don’t deserve better.

It's not possible.

Instead of looking at how it will work out, or how it will make you feel better, or how it will improve your life. Your negative thought patterns and self-doubt take over.

That's your brain trying to keep you safe by pulling you back into what’s familiar.

Your head might be full of fear, but your heart often knows there is something better for you. You’re just scared to take the risk. Scared to step into the unknown. Scared to get uncomfortable.

And that’s completely human.

This isn’t about doing something drastic. It’s not about quitting your job tomorrow or making huge life changing decisions overnight. It’s about getting honest with yourself.

What do you truly want.And why are you avoiding it.

Most of the time, the only thing holding you back is you.

Your thoughts.

The stories you tell yourself about what you can and can’t have.

Change feels uncomfortable because it’s unfamiliar. But once you move through that discomfort, even just one small step, you build confidence.

You prove to yourself that you can handle more than you think.

And then that one small step leads to another. And another.

Growth happens in those moments where you choose not to retreat.

Where you choose not to run back to what feels safe.

Where you choose to trust yourself instead.

Because staying comfortable, staying in the same routine, doing the same thing day in and day out, won’t create change.

Growth doesn’t happen in your comfort zone.

And neither does the life you actually want.

Its time to get uncomfortable with being uncomfortable.

Change is hard, especially when you’re doing everything on your own. If you’re ready to stop feeling stuck and start moving toward something that feels more aligned, more fulfilling, and more you, I’d love to support you. Coaching gives you a space to feel supported while learning how to build confidence, take small steps forward, and create change without burning yourself out. You don’t have to figure it all out alone.

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