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Are you actually ready for an FWB situation?
- lifeafterplusone
- 8 minutes ago
- 4 min read
FWB can sound appealing, especially after a breakup.
You get connection.
You get intimacy.
You get company.
Without the expectations, commitment, or emotional work of a relationship.
And for a lot of single parents, that can feel like the perfect middle ground.
After everything you’ve been through, the idea of something “easy” can feel like relief. No drama. No labels. No emotional demands. Just companionship and intimacy without having to open yourself up fully again.
But before going down the FWB path, there are some really important things to pause and consider.
Because while FWB can work for some people, it can also be incredibly confusing and painful for others, especially if you’re not as healed as you think you are.
Why FWB is so appealing after a breakup
For many people, choosing FWB isn’t really about sex.
It’s about avoiding the emotional pressure of having to be vulnerable.
After a breakup, there’s often still hurt, grief, rejection, anger, or self doubt sitting under the surface. And intimacy without commitment can feel like a way to get closeness without having to face those emotions all over again.
It can feel safer than dating.
It can feel easier than being alone.
It can feel less risky than a relationship.
But often, it’s also a way of not fully dealing with what you’re carrying.
FWB can become a distraction from doing the inner work. A way to fill the space without actually healing what’s underneath.
And that’s where things can get messy.
The reality of FWB, no emotion really means no emotion
This is the part people don’t always want to be honest about.
FWB only works when both people are genuinely on the same page. And that page is very clear. No emotional expectations. No future planning. No assumptions. No blurred lines.
It’s not a relationship.
It’s not heading anywhere.
It’s not about emotional support or consistency.
And the truth is, many people enter FWB thinking they can keep emotions out of it, without really checking in with whether that’s actually true for them.
If you’re someone who attaches easily, craves connection, or is still processing a breakup, it’s very easy to become emotionally invested without realising it’s happening.
Then suddenly, you’re hoping for more. You’re reading into messages. You’re feeling hurt when they pull away. You’re expecting things that were never part of the agreement.
And that’s often how people end up heartbroken all over again.
Not because the other person did something wrong, but because you were on different emotional paths.
FWB as a distraction versus FWB as a choice
Some people choose FWB from a place of truly knowing what their getting into and being 100% honest with their expectations.
They know exactly what they want.
They know what they don’t want.
They’re emotionally aware of what's happening and not looking for more.
For others, it’s a coping mechanism.
A way to avoid sitting with loneliness.
A way to feel wanted again.
A way to prove to themselves they’re still desirable.
And while everyone copes in their own way, it’s worth being honest with yourself about which category you fall into.
Because if you’re using FWB to avoid feeling pain, it often delays healing rather than supporting it.
Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do for yourself after a breakup isn’t finding a distraction. It’s creating space to reconnect with yourself, rebuild your confidence, and process what you’ve been through.
That doesn’t mean FWB is wrong. It just means timing matters.
Pros and cons to really think about
Potential pros
Physical connection without commitment
Feeling desired and connected
Less pressure than traditional dating
Potential cons
Emotional attachment when it’s not reciprocated
Delayed healing if used as a distraction
Reinforcing patterns of avoiding vulnerability
Feeling rejected again when it ends
Neither side is right or wrong. What matters is whether it aligns with where you’re actually at emotionally.
Ask yourself these questions first
Before stepping into an FWB situation, it can be really helpful to ask yourself:
Am I genuinely okay if this never becomes more?
How will I feel if they start seeing someone else?
Am I choosing this from clarity, or from loneliness?
Have I processed my breakup, or am I still carrying a lot of unresolved emotion?
Am I able to set boundaries and stick to them?
If answering those questions brings up discomfort, that’s not a sign really think about your decision and what's coming up.
Healing changes what you tolerate
One thing I see over and over again is that when people are still wounded, they’re more likely to accept situations that don’t fully meet their needs.
They don’t trust themselves yet.
They don’t believe in their worth.
They struggle to speak up or set boundaries.
But as healing happens, that shifts.
You become clearer about what you want.
You stop settling for dynamics that leave you confused.
You trust yourself to walk away when something doesn’t feel right.
FWB can look very different when you’re healed versus when you’re hurting.
There’s no one size fits all approach after a breakup.
FWB isn’t good or bad. It’s about whether you’re mentally and emotionally ready for it, and whether it genuinely supports where you’re heading, not just where you’re trying to escape from.
If you’re unsure, that’s okay. Sometimes uncertainty is a sign that it’s worth slowing down and turning inward rather than reaching outward.
And if you need support working through your breakup, rebuilding your confidence, or figuring out what’s actually right for you right now, you don’t have to do that alone.
Healing isn’t about rushing into something new. It’s about coming back to yourself first.
Got some question's you want to unpack? Then that's exactly what I'm here for, lets work through this together
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