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Co-parenting With a Narcissist
- lifeafterplusone
- Jan 6
- 3 min read
Are you co-parenting with a narcissist… and quietly exhausted by it?
Every interaction feels so much harder than it needs to. You’re constantly second-guessing your words, walking on eggshells, bracing yourself for the next twist.
One minute it’s manipulation, the next it’s blame. You’re painted as the problem, the difficult one, the unreasonable one, while you’re just trying to do what’s best for your kids.
There’s no real cooperation.
Everything turns into a power struggle. A tit-for-tat that never ends. You try to stay calm, you try to be reasonable, you try to explain yourself… and somehow it always gets flipped back onto you. You leave conversations feeling drained, frustrated, and questioning your own reality.
And that right there is one of the most damaging parts of co-parenting with a narcissist: the slow erosion of your confidence and self-trust.
Because this isn’t just “high-conflict co-parenting.” This is emotional abuse continuing after the relationship has ended.
The emotional toll no one talks about
When you co-parent with a narcissist, the abuse doesn’t stop at the breakup. It just changes shape.
It looks like:
Gaslighting through messages and conversations
Twisting facts, rewriting history, and denying things they’ve clearly said or done
Using the kids as leverage, messengers, or emotional pawns
Playing the victim while making you feel guilty for having boundaries
Creating constant confusion so you’re always on the back foot
Over time, this chips away at you.
You question whether you’re overreacting.
You replay conversations over and over in your head.
You feel anxious every time your phone lights up.
And eventually, you might not even recognise yourself anymore.
You’re exhausted, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally.
Why it’s so damaging
The constant manipulation keeps your nervous system in a state of hyper-vigilance. You’re always waiting for the next issue, the next accusation, the next shift in tone.
This can lead to:
Chronic stress and anxiety
Emotional burnout
Difficulty trusting yourself and others
Trouble setting boundaries without guilt
Carrying unresolved anger, resentment, or sadness
And if this isn’t worked through, it doesn’t just affect co-parenting, it bleeds into every area of your life.
Your confidence.
Your ability to open up again.
Your future relationships.
You might find yourself:
Settling for less than you deserve
Struggling to trust new partners
Feeling guarded, closed off, or emotionally unavailable
Repeating unhealthy dynamics because they feel familiar
The hardest truth to accept
And the hardest part? Realising this person is never going to be on your team.
They are not suddenly going to become cooperative, accountable, or empathetic. No amount of explaining, proving, or people-pleasing will change that.
It’s important to remember you can’t change them.
Trying to fight back, win, or finally “get them to understand” only keeps you trapped in the cycle and keeps giving them access to your emotional energy.
But there is a way through this
It starts with changing how you engage, how you respond, and how you protect yourself.
Not by becoming colder.
Not by escalating conflict.
But by learning how to:
Detach emotionally from the manipulation
Set boundaries without over-explaining
Communicate in a way that doesn’t feed the chaos
Rebuild your confidence and self-trust
Stop carrying the emotional weight of their behaviour
This is where healing really begins.
Why support matters
This is why working with a coach who truly understands narcissistic dynamics is priceless.
Because this isn’t just about co-parenting schedules or logistics, it’s about undoing the emotional damage, processing what you’ve been through, and reclaiming your sense of self.
So, you can co-parent in a way that doesn’t keep tearing you down. So, your kids see stability, strength, and emotional safety. And so, you can move forward without this situation defining you.
If this resonates and you’re ready for things to feel less toxic and more manageable, then let's make that change happen
To get you started, click the link below. if you're ready to work through this together, because nothing is more soul-destroying than co-parenting with someone who was never going to meet you halfway.
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