Co-Parenting with a High-Conflict Ex: How to Keep Your Sanity and Take Back Your Power

Let’s be real, co-parenting with a high-conflict ex is tough. For some people, it can honestly feel next to impossible.

If you’re reading this, chances are you’ve been there, the constant arguments, the manipulation, the lack of cooperation, the blaming, and that gut-wrenching frustration when you’re just trying to do what’s best for your kids, but it feels like your ex is determined to make everything harder.

I see this all the time with the single parents I work with, and it’s one of the biggest challenges after a breakup.

Here are a few of the common mistakes that tend to make things even harder when you’re dealing with a high-conflict ex

👉 Reacting with Anger

When you’re co-parenting with someone who thrives on conflict, reacting with anger is exactly what they’re hoping for. They feed off the reaction; it gives them a sense of power and control. But when you respond emotionally, it pulls you straight into the chaos and just fuels the drama. It’s easier said than done, but taking a step back before you reply, giving yourself time to cool down, or even walking away from a heated conversation can completely shift the dynamic. Remember: your silence and calmness are more powerful than any angry comeback.

👉 Stooping to Their Level

It’s so tempting to “fight fire with fire” when your ex is being petty, manipulative, or trying to one-up you. But here’s the truth, you can’t out-manipulate a manipulator. Engaging in that same energy only drags you down to their level and keeps the toxicity going. The real power lies in rising above it. Stay grounded, keep your focus on your kids and your mental and emotional wellbeing and remind yourself that you don’t need to play their games to win. You win by staying calm and in control of yourself, that’s what truly gets under their skin.

👉 Not Setting Clear Boundaries

A high-conflict ex will push and test every single limit you have if you don’t set boundaries. And even when you do set them, they’ll still try to cross them just to see if you’ll hold firm. Boundaries aren’t about controlling your ex, they’re about protecting your peace. It might mean only communicating through email or a parenting app, refusing to engage in personal conversations, or setting firm limits around pick-up and drop-off times. The key is consistency. Once you set a boundary, stick to it, because every time you give in, you teach them that your boundaries aren’t real.

👉 Holding Onto Anger from the Past

This one is one of the hardest to move through, especially when you’ve been deeply hurt, lied to, betrayed, or treated unfairly. But the truth is, holding onto that anger doesn’t punish them, it punishes you. When you keep replaying the past, you’re keeping yourself emotionally tied to someone who no longer deserves your energy. Letting go doesn’t mean what they did was okay; it just means you’re no longer letting it control how you feel. You deserve to live free from that constant emotional tug-of-war.

👉 Refusing to Compromise

Here’s the thing, you and your ex will never parent exactly the same way, and that’s okay. You’re two different people with two different approaches. The goal of co-parenting isn’t to have identical parenting styles; it’s to create a sense of stability for your kids despite your differences. Sometimes, that means choosing your battles wisely. Not every disagreement needs to turn into a war. Ask yourself, “Is this worth the stress?” If it’s not something that will seriously impact your child’s wellbeing, let it go. Sometimes “good enough” really is good enough, and learning that can save you a lot of unnecessary stress.

So, How Do You Move Forward?

The reality is, your high-conflict ex isn’t suddenly going to wake up one morning and decide to cooperate. They’re not going to have a magical moment of self-awareness and start co-parenting peacefully.

At some point, you have to accept who they are and focus on what you can control, your reactions, your mindset, your peace.

That’s where the real change happens.

It’s not about “winning” or proving a point. It’s about disengaging, emotionally detaching from the chaos, and refusing to let their behaviour dictate your happiness. When you stop feeding into the conflict, you take your power back. You create a life that feels calmer, lighter, and more stable for both you and your kids.

This is exactly what I help single parents with, learning how to manage the ongoing conflict, let go of the anger, and start living a life that feels lighter and easier. You don’t have to keep reliving the same cycle of frustration every week.

If this sounds like you and you’re ready to move forward, to stop letting your ex control your emotions and start focusing on you, then let’s chat.

💻 Book your free 1:1 intro session below.

BOOK HERE

Let’s work together to cut out the drama, rebuild your confidence, and create the peace you’ve been craving. You deserve that. ❤️