When Narcissistic Abuse Follows You After You Leave

Leaving a narcissist is one of the hardest things you’ll ever do. But for many single parents, the hardest part is what comes next. Because when you have kids with a narcissist, the battle doesn’t stop when the relationship ends. It just changes form, and sometimes, it gets worse.

Co-parenting with a narcissist is a constant battle of walking on eggshells, never knowing when they will drop another bomb. It’s never about cooperation or teamwork. It’s about surviving their constant need to control, manipulate, villainise you, and break you down, all while you’re still trying to get over the breakup and just getting by as it is.

They drag you through the mud and kick you when you’re down

You’re not imagining it, and it’s not just in your head. Narcissists are experts at tearing you apart emotionally and mentally, especially when you’re at your lowest. They will:

• Twist your words, take things out of context, and use anything you say against you

• Spread lies about you to friends, family, and even your kids, painting you as the villain no matter what

• Use your love for your children as a weapon, making you feel guilty or responsible for things you have no control over

• Play mind games with your kids, trying to turn them against you or create confusion and loyalty conflicts

• They will go to all lengths to see you suffer; mentally, emotionally, and financially because you doing good is a bad reflection on them and they can't have that. They need to always look like the superior parent.

  
  

It’s exhausting, it’s cruel, and it feels never-ending. Just when you think you’re starting to heal, they pull you right back in with more of their unnecessary drama.

The emotional toll is overwhelming and it chips away at your confidence

After months even years of this relentless emotional warfare, it’s normal to feel worn out, stressed, and constantly on edge. You find yourself:

• Doubting your instincts as a parent, wondering if you’re making the right decisions

• Feeling guilty for standing up for yourself, because you know how they will retaliate

• Overthinking every conversation, every choice, trying to avoid conflict that feels like it could blow up at any second

• Feeling isolated, because no one really understands the exhausting rollercoaster you’re on. No one gets the struggle and the emotional abuse you're going through right now.

• You're embarrassed to share your story with friends and family and to talk to anyone about what you're going through because it sounds so made up. They stoop to such low levels as a way to make you look like the crazy one so no one would believe you

• Struggling to find peace or even a moment to breathe without anxiety creeping in

But even with all that, you keep showing up for your kids, trying to protect them from the storm, even when it feels like it’s swallowing you whole.

The trauma sticks around long after the relationship ends

Even if you’re no longer with the narcissist, the damage doesn’t magically disappear. It sneaks into your parenting in ways you might not even notice at first. You might catch yourself:

• Hesitating to set clear boundaries with your children, worried about causing conflict or repeating the drama you escaped from

• Feeling guilty when you need time for yourself, like you should always be “on” for your kids and everyone else

• Overanalyzing your own feelings and reactions because you’ve been trained to doubt yourself

• Walking on eggshells in everyday situations, trying to avoid triggers that bring back painful memories

• Struggling with trust, both in yourself and others, because your sense of safety was shattered

• Your self-worth and confidence are at an all-time low because of the emotional abuse you've had to endure all these years

Parenting while healing from narcissistic abuse is one of the toughest journeys there is. You're trying to keep a brave face, be strong, be there for your kids, whilst on the inside you're broken and struggling to keep it together, all whilst you are trying to recover from the breakup and adjust to life all on your own as a single parent. With quite often minimal to no support from anyone. It's all on you to figure out. That's a really big deal, and one of the hardest things you will ever go through.

But you deserve happiness, even in all the co-parenting drama

Co-parenting with a narcissist is brutal. There’s no sugarcoating it. But your mental health and well-being matter just as much as your kids’ needs. Setting boundaries with a narcissist isn’t selfish, it’s necessary. Protecting your energy and your sanity is a necessary.

It’s okay to ask for support, to lean on friends, family, or professionals who understand what you’re going through. You don’t have to carry the weight of their cruelty alone.

You are stronger than you know

Every day, you’re surviving battles most people don’t see, showing up for your kids with love and strength even when your heart feels shattered. That takes a huge amount of courage and resilience that deserves to be honoured.

Healing is possible, even in the middle of the hardest co-parenting challenges. And you don’t have to do it alone.

When you’ve been through narcissistic abuse, the wounds run deep. It’s not just about moving on, it’s about rebuilding your sense of self after it’s been slowly chipped away. The emotional toll it takes is massive, and trying to recover from it while still being forced to deal with that person, still being poked, gaslit, blamed, and baited, can feel relentless. It’s like trying to heal from a wound that keeps being reopened.

It can take years to fully break free, not just physically, but mentally and emotionally. So please, don’t be hard on yourself if it’s taking longer then you thought. You’re doing the best you can with something most people could never understand.

Here at Life After +1, I get it, I’ve walked this path myself. I know what it’s like to feel like you’re drowning in it and wondering if you’ll ever feel like you again. But I also know what it’s like to come out the other side, calmer, stronger, and finally at peace.

If you’re ready to talk, or even if you’re just curious to see what support might look like, click the link below to book a free one-on-one chat. No pressure, just a safe space to start getting your power back.

You can’t change what they do, but you can learn to take back control of how you respond, and how much of your energy they’re allowed to take from you. And that’s where your freedom starts.

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