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Co-Parenting at Christmas: How to Get Through It Without Losing Your Mind
- lifeafterplusone
- 6 hours ago
- 4 min read
Christmas as a single parent is not easy differently. The first year is the hardest, and honestly, even the next few years after that can still sting. You’re trying to make the day special, hold yourself together, manage your own emotions, and somehow navigate how to deal with the one person you don't want to deal with.
And when you’re dealing with a high-conflict ex, Christmas can feel a thousand times harder. They might say things that trigger you, try to guilt-trip you, push for more time, blame you for something completely left-field, or say something that instantly ruins your mood for the whole day.
So here are some simple, realistic things to keep in mind to help you get through Christmas with as little stress as possible
1. Know what you want Christmas to look like
Before the messages start coming in from your ex or the arguments start brewing, get clear on what you want the day (or the holidays) to look like for you and your kids. you may already have a clear parenting plan but that doesn't mean they can't and won't try to change things.
If you don’t know what you want, it becomes very easy to get pushed around and give in to them. Really think about how you want it to look like for you and your kids whilst also trying to remain fair for both of you.
2. Set boundaries, and don’t apologise for them
Boundaries aren’t rude. They’re not selfish. They’re how you protect yourself, your plans, and your kids’ day.
If you’ve agreed on times, stick to them (within reason, there's always a chance of unexpected last-minute changes happening). If you’ve communicated what works, stick to it. If they try to change things last minute, you don’t have to bend.
It’s not about punishing them, it’s about making sure the day runs smoothly for your household, not just theirs.
3. Expect triggers, and don’t let them ruin the day
Christmas can bring out old emotions, old memories, and old wounds and caught up thinking about what it used to be like as a family, it's defiantly an emotional time. So don't be hard on yourself especially while you're still grieving the breakup and the life you once had.
So, if your ex says something to set you off, pause before reacting. You don’t need to justify, explain, or defend yourself. You don’t need to match their energy either.
A high-conflict person wants a reaction. Giving them nothing is the quickest way to maintain a happier headspace.
4. Don’t try to “understand” their behaviour
One of the biggest traps is slipping into: “But why would they say that?” “Why are they acting like this today?”
You don’t need to figure them out. You don’t need to make their behaviour make sense. You don’t even need to care about their emotional state on Christmas Day.
Your job is your kids and your own mental space. Their choices are their responsibility, not yours.
5. Protect the energy in your home
You set the tone. Not your ex. Not their behaviour. Not their comments.
Your kids will remember the feeling of Christmas far more than the logistics of it.
Even if the lead-up is chaotic, stressful, or full of conflict, the atmosphere in your home is something you can control.
Create your own new traditions, family cooking, Santa photos with just you and the kids (which is one of my favorite things to do), Christmas carols. Create your own fun Christmas vibe
6. Have a plan for yourself
Whether you have the kids all day or only part of the day, or not at all. Christmas can feel overwhelming and very different.
Do something for you:
Visit a friend or family member
Have a quiet moment to yourself
Invite friends over
Go for a walk
Create a small tradition just for you
Try to avoid being alone on Christmas Day and sitting around waiting just because you don't have the kids
7. Don’t compare your Christmas to anyone else’s
Other families posting matching PJ pics, professional family shots, large gatherings, or extravagant holidays have nothing to do with your life. People love to show the highlight reel, not the arguments, stress, or tears behind the scenes.
Your Christmas does not have to look perfect to be meaningful. Small and intimate can be just as memorable and fun.
8. Remember: it gets easier
The first Christmas hurts. The first few years can still feel unsettling. But every year, you get stronger, more confident, and more comfortable in your new normal.
Your kids adjust. You adjust. And eventually, you create new traditions that actually feel good.
9. Reach out if you need support
Christmas can bring up a lot, resentment, sadness, anger, confusion, guilt, feeling pushed aside, feeling unheard, or just feeling completely overwhelmed trying to do it all on your own.
You don’t need to sit in that by yourself.
If you’re struggling with your co-parent, the emotions of the day, or just trying to hold it altogether, this is exactly why I offer my Emergency Chat Session.
It’s not a full deep-dive coaching session, it’s a simple, honest chat when you need someone to talk to, hear you out and help you with coparenting issues, loneliness, or just adjusting to it Then I'm here to help all. you get back into a clearer headspace, reduce the overwhelm, and hjelp you to be able to enjoy this special day.
👉 Grab an Emergency Chat Session here:
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