The 5 Most Common Mistakes Single Parents Make

Becoming a single parent doesn’t come with a warning. One minute, you’re living life happily as a family, and the next, it’s just you. All of a sudden, you're left out in the big wide world all on your own: the emotions, the finances, the routines, the breakdowns, the paperwork, and the parenting. All while trying to adjust to single parent life and grieve the life you once had, the future you had planned, and try to make sense of everything.

It’s overwhelming. It’s exhausting. Its lonely. And the truth is, no one gets it right straight away. You learn as you go. You fall apart sometimes. You react in ways you never expected. You make decisions from a place of fear and anger instead of logic. And that’s okay, you’re human. And you’re doing the best you can based on the circumstances you're going through.

But over the years, I’ve seen certain patterns repeat themselves. Mistakes that so many single parents make, not because they’re careless, but because they’re tired, worn down, emotionally exhausted, alone, and just don't know how to best handle these situations when they're going through one of the hardest experiences of their life.

But even when you're going through it, you're not ready to see it from a different perspective; so that's why this list is a little gentle reminder for when you are ready to move forward and let go of some of that past negative energy that might be holding you back.

So, let’s talk about the 5 most common mistakes I see single parents make, and what you can do instead.

1. Trying to Do It All Alone

You get caught up in survival mode. It quickly becomes all about doing what you can to stay afloat, the mental load, physical, financial, and emotional. You become the problem-solver, the fixer, the emotional sponge, and it feels easier to just keep going than it does to stop and ask for help. But trying to carry it all without support leads to burnout and resentment.

What to try instead: Reach out. Even if it’s just to vent to a friend, talk to a coach like myself, or ask for school pick-up help. Strength isn't about proving to everyone that you can do it all; it’s in knowing when to stop and take a step back. Never be scared to ask for help!

2. Putting Yourself Last Every Time

Your kids are a priority, yes. But when your own tank is constantly running on empty, it starts to show up in your mood, your patience, and your decisions, not just with your kids but your work, your ex, it impacts your whole life. This is usually how a negative spiral begins, and that is what you don't want to be caught up in.

What to try instead: Carve out something that’s just for you. Even 10 minutes of quiet time or a short walk to reset your whole day, anything you can do that's not about your ex or parenting. Prioritising yourself doesn’t take away from your kids; it helps you show up better for them.

3. Avoiding Boundaries With Your Ex (or Others)

Whether it’s guilt, fear of conflict, or just plain exhaustion, it’s easy to let boundaries slide. You give in because it's easier, and it means you don't have to worry about something else. But letting things slide and avoiding boundaries, eventually all builds up, and that worry and frustration only escalates and adds on to your stress and mental load.

Without clear boundaries, co-parenting becomes very messy, and your stress levels skyrocket.

What to try instead: Boundaries aren’t about punishment or being confrontational, they’re about being respectful of your time, your space, your happiness, and YOU. Start small. Be clear, be kind, and stick to what’s fair and necessary for you and your kids.

4. Comparing Yourself to Others

You see the picture-perfect family at school drop-off, on special occasions, weekend events, and suddenly your situation feels “less than.” It’s not uncommon to have these thoughts but just don't get too caught up in them.

What to try instead: Your family life might look different from what you had hoped, but it doesn’t mean it's broken, and it definitely doesn't mean it's less than. Own your story. Be proud of where you're at and excited for what lies ahead. It's nice to have a partner, sure. But don't let outdated stigmas and beliefs convince you that having a partner is what makes you complete.

5. Putting Off Your Own Healing

You're so focused on keeping things together that your own pain gets buried. But avoiding that hurt or putting a band-aid on it all with a temporary fix with something else to make you feel good in that moment just means that unprocessed hurt will show up again later, in your relationships, your reactions, your energy.

What to try instead: Give yourself time to accept this part of your life. Whether that’s through therapy, journaling, coaching, or just having those deep conversations that allow you to open up about the pain, the anger, and all those other emotions that came up as a result of your breakup. Healing after your breakup is important not just for you and your kids, but for your future self.

You don’t need to have it all figured out. But when you're caught up in the emotions of it all, it's hard to see the bigger picture, you start questioning, is there really a light at the end of the tunnel?

But, I'm here to tell you, yes, there is!

Mistakes will happen. Hard days will come. But none of that means you’re doing a bad job. It just means you’re doing something incredibly hard, and still showing up. And that deserves credit, not criticism.

So if any of this has hit home, take it as a gentle nudge, not a judgment. You’re allowed to pause, to reassess, to try again, and to ask for help if you need it.

Even though you might be parenting on your own and doing life all on your own, it doesn't mean you have to handle your breakup on your own.

If any of this hit home for you and you're starting to feel ready to talk about your breakup, or to let go of the things that have been holding you back, then this is a really good place to start. I'm here to help you through it whenever you're ready.

Not everyone’s there yet, and that’s completely okay. Sometimes just sitting with where you're at is part of the process. Just don’t forget to give yourself the space to deal with it, in your own time, in your own way.

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