When Your Kids Go Away Without You.

I recently received a unexpected announcement that my daughter will be heading overseas with her dad soon. And while I’m genuinely happy she’s going and I know she’s going to have an amazing experience (memories she’ll talk about for years), I’ll admit, it hit a bit different when she first decided that she wanted to go.

She hasn’t been going to her dad’s as often lately, so I wasn’t expecting a trip like this to pop up. At first, it caught me off guard. But not because I’m sad or scared to be on my own, I’m actually really okay with the quiet. It was more the sudden realisation that I’ve got this big stretch of time just for me, something I haven’t had in a long time.

And here’s the thing, yes, it can feel a bit disappointing that you’re not there, not part of those holiday memories. But your kids being happy and making memories is the goal, right? And in the meantime, this is your chance to make your memories too. Not the sad, lonely kind, the kind where you finally get to do some of the things you never have time for.

I’ve already started making a list of what I want to do with the time, the catch-ups, the quiet mornings, the slow days, the overdue rest, the break from school pick up and drop off and the stuff I always say I’ll get to when I “have more time.” Well… here it is.

And here’s a little advice: don’t waste this time sitting at home in their bedroom, crying into a pile of laundry. Don’t stalk the other parent’s social media, torturing yourself by over-analysing every photo. Don’t clean the house from top to bottom just to distract yourself and feel “useful.” Use the time wisely. This is your moment to reset, not to spiral.

If you’re feeling nervous or uneasy, it’s okay to set some boundaries that give you peace of mind. You might want to agree on a time to check in, a quick daily message or a FaceTime call. Just having that open line of communication can help settle your mind. If it makes you feel better to know where they’re staying or what the rough plans are, ask. You’re not being over the top, you’re being a parent who cares.

And yes, it might sting a little knowing they’re off travelling as a family with the other parent and their partner. That can feel jarring, like a fresh little sting of rejection. But if you’re really honest with yourself, would you even want that old life back? Probably not. This isn’t about you being left out; it’s about your kids being allowed to make memories with both sides. That’s a good thing.

They can have beautiful experiences with the other parent, and they can also have them with you. It’s not a competition. It’s not about who gives the better holidays. It’s about creating an opportunity for your kids to feel connected, loved, and safe, no matter whose turn it is.

So don’t let this time pass in a blur of sadness or overthinking. Choose to enjoy it. Choose to show up for yourself. They’ll come home to a parent who feels better, clearer, and more grounded, and that’s good for everyone.

You can spend this time thinking about everything you’re missing with the kids, or you can look for what you’re gaining from it. One path will leave you bitter and angry. The other gives you space and time to rest, refocus, and maybe even rediscover a piece of yourself outside of parenting.

And let’s be real, your kids will have a way better time knowing you’re happy for them. Not bitter. Not stressed. But proud and supportive.

So if you’re facing time apart from your kids soon, whether it’s a holiday, a weekend, or the first longer stretch, don’t just brace for it. Use it. Make it mean something. You’re allowed to miss them, but you're also allowed to enjoy this time to yourself.

And if you’re not sure where to start with that, or how to shift your focus, I’m here. Whenever you’re ready.

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