Are you being manipulated by your coparent?

One of the hardest things about coparenting with someone who is manipulative, controlling, or high-conflict is that, quite often, you don’t even realise what is happening at first. You think you’re just trying to do the right thing for your kids. You think you’re trying to create a healthier co-parenting relationship. You think if you can just communicate better, stay calmer, avoid conflict, or give in a little more, things will eventually get easier.

Because the reality is, most parents don’t want conflict. They don’t want their children caught in the middle. They don’t want ongoing battles with the other parent. They simply want to be able to move forward, raise their children, and create some level of peace. So they start making sacrifices. They start overlooking things. They start thinking, “It’s okay, I’ll just let this one go,” or “It’s easier if I just agree.” But over time, you don’t realise that while you’re trying to keep the peace for everyone else, you’re slowly losing your own.

When you’re dealing with a manipulative coparent, one of the most exhausting parts is that nothing ever seems to be their responsibility. Somehow, no matter what happens, the blame always finds its way back to you. If there is a disagreement, it becomes your fault. If there is a problem with communication, it becomes because of something you did. If they are unhappy, they find a reason why you caused it. You can find yourself constantly defending your choices, explaining your decisions, and trying to prove that you are not the person they are making you out to be.

You will find they criticise your parenting, question your decisions, or make you feel like you’re constantly doing everything wrong. Instead of having a conversation where both people listen and try to understand each other, you feel like you’re constantly having to justify yourself. You explain your reasons. You try to give more context. You try to help them see things from your perspective. You keep hoping that if you can just explain it in the right way, they will finally understand.

But the hardest part is realising that sometimes they don’t want to understand. They don’t want to hear your perspective. They don’t want to acknowledge their behaviour. They don’t want to take responsibility for their role in the situation.

And this is where many single parents get stuck.

They keep trying harder. They keep searching for the right words. They keep trying different ways to communicate. They keep hoping that one day the other person will finally see what they’re doing and acknowledge the impact it is having.

They think, “Maybe if I explain it differently, they’ll understand.” “Maybe if I stay calmer, they won’t react this way.” “Maybe if I do more, things will improve.”

But you cannot create a healthy coparenting relationship with someone who isn’t willing to work with you.

You cannot force someone to see your point of view if they have already decided they are right. You cannot force someone to apologise if they refuse to acknowledge what they have done. And you cannot carry the responsibility of creating a healthy coparenting dynamic when the other person is not willing to meet you halfway.

Another part of manipulation that can be incredibly difficult to recognise is the guilt. You may find yourself being pressured into doing things you know deep down you shouldn’t be doing, but you do them anyway because you feel guilty. You worry about the reaction you’ll get. You worry about another argument. You worry about what it will mean for your kids.

So you say yes when you want to say no.

You compromise when you don’t feel comfortable compromising.

You put their needs ahead of your own because you tell yourself you’re doing it for the kids.

But over time, this starts to take a huge emotional toll.

You become exhausted from constantly managing yr ex's reactions. You’re walking on eggshells, trying to predict what mood they’ll be in, what they might say, or what might trigger another conflict. You overthink every message before sending it. You replay conversations in your head. You question whether you handled things the right way. You start losing trust in your own judgement because you’ve spent so long being made to feel like you’re the problem.

And perhaps the hardest part of all is that it slowly drains the life out of you.

You start living in survival mode instead of actually enjoying your life. You’re spending so much energy trying to manage the co-parenting dynamic that there is very little left for yourself. Your confidence takes a hit. Your happiness takes a hit. Your emotional energy takes a hit.

But the biggest thing I want you to understand is this, you cannot keep sacrificing yourself in the name of keeping the peace.

Because keeping the peace for your ex else means nothing if you have no peace within yourself.

Your children don’t need you to be the parent who constantly gives in, stays silent, and deals with everything silently just to avoid conflict. They need you to be the healthiest version of yourself. They need you to show them what self-respect looks like. They need you to show them that boundaries are not about creating drama, they are about protecting your wellbeing.

The turning point comes when you stop focusing on how you can change them and start focusing on what you can control. You can control your responses. You can control your boundaries. You can control how much access someone has to your emotions and your wellbeing.

You deserve to coparent without constantly feeling blamed, drained, and like you’re fighting a battle on your own.

This is why having the right support is so important.

Because if nothing changes in the way you handle this situation, then you'll just keep getting the same outcome.

You'll keep getting caught in the same unhealthy cycle, having the same arguments, feeling the same frustration, and constantly walking on eggshells trying to manage someone else's behaviour.

And the reality is, you can't keep living like that forever.

Eventually, you'll reach breaking point. You'll become emotionally exhausted, mentally drained, and completely burnt out because no one can continue carrying the emotional weight of an unhealthy co-parenting dynamic on their own.

It's not healthy for you, and it's not the example you want to set for your children.

That's exactly why I created my Coparenting with A Narcissist Guidebook.

This isn't just another book explaining narcissistic behaviours. It's your go to guide to help you break free from these unhealthy patterns and start approaching coparenting differently.

This book is designed to help you stop feeling like you're constantly under your ex's control and start feeling confident, empowered, and back in control of your own life.

Because you deserve to enjoy your life again.

Grab your copy here

Coparenting with a Narcissist

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