What Are You Holding onto Simply Because It’s Familiar?

One of the hardest parts of going through a breakup is not always the breakup itself. It’s the process of letting go afterwards. And when I say letting go, I don’t just mean letting go of the person. I mean letting go of everything that came with that relationship and the life you thought you were going to have.

As a single parent coach, this is something I see time and time again. People often believe they are struggling to move on because they still love their ex, because they still want the relationship back, or because they need more answers before they can finally move forward. But when we dig deeper, what I often see is something different.

They aren’t always holding onto the relationship. They’re holding onto the familiarity of the life that came with it.

They’re holding onto the family dynamic they imagined. They’re holding onto the traditions, the routines, the celebrations, the future plans, and the identity they had before everything changed. They’re holding onto what they thought life was supposed to look like.

Because familiarity feels safe. Even when something wasn’t healthy. Even when something wasn’t working. Even when deep down you know that chapter has ended, there can still be a part of you that wants to hold onto what you know because stepping into something unknown can feel incredibly uncomfortable.

Recently, I was reflecting on this after doing something I occasionally do, which is shuffle my tarot deck. The cards that come out always seem to connect with something I’m currently experiencing or going through.

This time, the question that came up from my shuffle was:

What am I holding onto simply because it’s familiar, even though I’ve already outgrown it?

And that question really made me stop and think.

Not just about myself, but about so many of the single parents I work with every day.

Because growth often requires us to let go of things that once felt comfortable. It requires us to acknowledge that something may have served us in one chapter of our life, but it doesn’t necessarily belong in the next.

And this doesn’t just apply to relationships.

Sometimes it’s friendships that no longer align. Sometimes it’s old beliefs about ourselves. Sometimes it’s the version of ourselves that we created just to survive. Sometimes it’s the need to keep proving ourselves, seeking validation, or waiting for someone else to give us closure.

And the hardest part is that we don’t always realise we’re doing it.

It’s easy to spend so much time focusing on what our ex is doing, whether they’ve changed, whether they understand what they’ve done, or whether they will finally give us the answers you wanted, that you don’t realise that you are keeping yourself emotionally connected to something you are trying to move away from.

The truth is, you cannot build your future while constantly trying to hold onto your past.

Moving forward doesn’t mean you forget what happened. It doesn’t mean the relationship didn’t matter. It doesn’t mean you aren’t allowed to grieve the life you thought you were going to have.

It means you start accepting that the life you have now deserves your attention too.

It means starting to ask yourself different questions.

Not “Why did this happen?”

Not “Why couldn’t they have changed?”

Not “What do I need from them to finally be okay?”

But instead:

What do I want my life to look like now?

Who am I becoming?

What actually lights me up?

Because the longer you’re on this journey, the more you start to realise that growth changes your perspective. Things that once felt normal no longer feel acceptable. Things you once tolerated no longer align. Things you once chased no longer matter in the same way.

And that’s not a bad thing.

That’s growth.

I’ve experienced this myself throughout my own journey. The longer I’ve been on this path, the more things I’ve outgrown. Certain friendships, certain beliefs, certain ways of thinking, and even certain versions of myself.

At the time, those changes didn’t always feel comfortable. Sometimes they felt confusing. Sometimes they felt lonely. But looking back, every single thing I’ve outgrown has created space for something that feels more aligned with who I am now.

So if you’re finding yourself struggling to let go, I want you to ask yourself this question:

What am I holding onto simply because it’s familiar, even though I’ve already outgrown it?

Because sometimes the hardest thing isn’t accepting that something has ended.

Sometimes the hardest part is accepting that you’re not holding on because it’s right for you. You’re holding on because it’s what you know and letting go of the familiar is scary.

And that’s where the real growth begins.

When you stop looking backwards trying to recreate what was, and you start giving yourself permission to create something new.

A life that feels good for you.

A life that reflects who you are now.

A life where you’re not just trying to get through each day, but one where you’re actually excited about what’s ahead.

And maybe this is your sign to start asking yourself those questions.

FREE Reset Session

30min

Book Now